Good news everyone, our numbers our expanding to include several well known publications. There are just too many gems here for the fat and jellus for me to to start quoting from the articles in question, but Id be failing in my duty not to post the links..
Panty Mantis: The Debate
178 Minutes with the Panty Mantis (sounds far too long to me but anyway...)
The Panty Mantis is Lying to us (no s**t sherlock)
These early Christmas Presents just keep on landing, don"t they....
Showing posts with label Panty Mantis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Panty Mantis. Show all posts
Monday, December 5, 2011
Monday, November 28, 2011
An early christmas gift?
Hear ye hear ye - all ye fat n jellus, salvation has arrived in the form of yet more wise words from the Panty Mantis.
No longer need you be sad and melancholic of your unworthyness. No longer need you cry into your family sized tubs of lard the PM has spoken words of comfort to us all!
In a recent interview she had reportedly said the following
"But now I always see myself as, like, equal to everyone."
OMG
Can it be true?
Is the fat and jellus crusade over as suddenly as it began? let me read on......
...... ah No - rightful order in the world is restored
"I can't feel bad about being who I am, just like the girl next to me can't feel bad about being who she is. Because a rose can never be a sunflower, and a sunflower can never be a rose."
that sounds like her version of "all men are equal, its just that some are more equal than others.."
Still, at least she wants us all to "embrace our own uniqueness"..... I guess thats back to the Lard and the specially adapted fridge then fatties !
No longer need you be sad and melancholic of your unworthyness. No longer need you cry into your family sized tubs of lard the PM has spoken words of comfort to us all!
In a recent interview she had reportedly said the following
"But now I always see myself as, like, equal to everyone."
OMG
Can it be true?
Is the fat and jellus crusade over as suddenly as it began? let me read on......
...... ah No - rightful order in the world is restored
"I can't feel bad about being who I am, just like the girl next to me can't feel bad about being who she is. Because a rose can never be a sunflower, and a sunflower can never be a rose."
that sounds like her version of "all men are equal, its just that some are more equal than others.."
Still, at least she wants us all to "embrace our own uniqueness"..... I guess thats back to the Lard and the specially adapted fridge then fatties !
Monday, July 18, 2011
Over-enthusiastic
and there was I quietly worrying that my enthusiasm for snarking (particularly, of course, the panty mantis) was a little OTT
(as with my love of lard , all things fat, specially adapted household furniture, being jellus etc etc but you know that)
well, fellow fatties, panic not! This below is the definition of over-enthusiasm on a particular subject
there - do you all feel relieved?
in other hideously boring news, the PM is resharing the tales of her 27 Year labour, the fact that she didnt really want Orlando anyway and her white ball of light to anyone that will listen...
I do love it when she goes home.......
(as with my love of lard , all things fat, specially adapted household furniture, being jellus etc etc but you know that)
well, fellow fatties, panic not! This below is the definition of over-enthusiasm on a particular subject
there - do you all feel relieved?
in other hideously boring news, the PM is resharing the tales of her 27 Year labour, the fact that she didnt really want Orlando anyway and her white ball of light to anyone that will listen...
I do love it when she goes home.......
Monday, July 11, 2011
PAIN!
You see, THIS is what happens to a person when they choose to let one of the hallowed interviews from the Panty Mantis pass them by...
she releases two in one day!
ok ok , i submit Panty Mantis, there is only so much a (non-super) woman can take...
So, to the second offering of today, courtesy of the Daily Mail:
According to them the Panty Mantis found the birth of Flynkerr so painful she had an out of body experience....... its funny I thought they more normally referred to that as anaesthetic.....
Ooooh yes! silly me! I keep forgetting the poor stick insect gave birth 100% naturally, with no drugs whatsoever and only her husband peeing in a bottle for solace as opposed to taking what seems the more obvious choice.... a C section!
Now can someone please tell me WHY WE ARE STILL TALKING ABOUT THIS..... please....
Sunday, July 10, 2011
A Groovy Mantis?
I think the build up to the Heralded visit back home for the Panty Mantis has started - a new day is starting to mean a new, and equally inane, article about her lyving the lyfe!
This mornings offering comes courtesy of the Brisbane Times. Again you'll see she was prepared to consider staying fat n jellus but she lost the weight using Cardio (hence all those gym shots recently), yoga, and something Orlando owns that she can swim against - the last vestiges of his freedom? is imprisoned manglobes perhaps?
Its good to hear that today, after eating fries yesterday, she tackled a fried chicken today - though to be honest PM you kinda need to be eating the fries, the fried chicken and ten tubs of Original Lard Gel daily to make an impact.
Im a little lost that she chants "'I am a healthy, vibrant being of love and light" every morning - I thought that was her dog? perhaps they have united into one vibrant ball of light together?
Anyone want to put a guess on exactly how many of these breastfeeding interviews we're going to get before she arrives to tumultuous applause back home? - my guess is many!
This mornings offering comes courtesy of the Brisbane Times. Again you'll see she was prepared to consider staying fat n jellus but she lost the weight using Cardio (hence all those gym shots recently), yoga, and something Orlando owns that she can swim against - the last vestiges of his freedom? is imprisoned manglobes perhaps?
Its good to hear that today, after eating fries yesterday, she tackled a fried chicken today - though to be honest PM you kinda need to be eating the fries, the fried chicken and ten tubs of Original Lard Gel daily to make an impact.
Im a little lost that she chants "'I am a healthy, vibrant being of love and light" every morning - I thought that was her dog? perhaps they have united into one vibrant ball of light together?
Anyone want to put a guess on exactly how many of these breastfeeding interviews we're going to get before she arrives to tumultuous applause back home? - my guess is many!
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Red hot Panty Mantis
What a treat! The Panty Mantis has decided to share with us the details of her so private and perfect lyfe, I was truly excited when i got shown the link by one of the fat n jellus girls from Delphi :)
Whilst Im sure there is absolutely no connection, its lovely to see that the questions on the minds of the interviewers at Perth Now! seem to be troubled by exactly the same issues that have been haunting us fat n jellus ones, making us cry into our lard pots and sink lower into our oversized chairs.. shall we take a look at a few highlights?:
"After a few more shots, she takes the opportunity to feed Flynn again, while also feeding herself a plate of salmon and spinach, and a side of fries. "I need the carbs," she says."
excellent, I dont know about you but extremely glad to see that although she may yet again resemble a walking stick insect, she hasnt totally lost her fat n jellus leanings! keep up with that Panty Mantis and one fine day we may be able to welcome you back to the fold.
"When I was pregnant, I thought, 'It doesn't matter if I get a stretch mark or if my body doesn't come back'," she says. "During the birth process, I gave everything over to him, and let go of any attachment I had to myself. I wanted him to be healthy and it didn't matter what happened to me. "
Well if I was a cynical fat n jellus cow my eyebrow would be raising rather high at this one, but obviously, having experienced the true freedom that comes with being fat n jellus, the ability to eat as much lard as you like etc - I am sure shes being absolutely truthful - after all, whats not to like about being fat, puffy and jellus.
""If you're comfortable in your own skin, you allow others to be comfortable in theirs. Don't compare yourself to someone else. "
ahhhh sorry panty mantis, its just that you're lyfe is so perfect and you have orlando all to ureself, its hard not to draw some comparisons
now, bring on the royal polo match - nothing will make my day more than seeing classy and arsy in the same shot!
(yes yes, I know - no lyfe of my own, fat n jellus etc etc etc)
Whilst Im sure there is absolutely no connection, its lovely to see that the questions on the minds of the interviewers at Perth Now! seem to be troubled by exactly the same issues that have been haunting us fat n jellus ones, making us cry into our lard pots and sink lower into our oversized chairs.. shall we take a look at a few highlights?:
"After a few more shots, she takes the opportunity to feed Flynn again, while also feeding herself a plate of salmon and spinach, and a side of fries. "I need the carbs," she says."
excellent, I dont know about you but extremely glad to see that although she may yet again resemble a walking stick insect, she hasnt totally lost her fat n jellus leanings! keep up with that Panty Mantis and one fine day we may be able to welcome you back to the fold.
"When I was pregnant, I thought, 'It doesn't matter if I get a stretch mark or if my body doesn't come back'," she says. "During the birth process, I gave everything over to him, and let go of any attachment I had to myself. I wanted him to be healthy and it didn't matter what happened to me. "
Well if I was a cynical fat n jellus cow my eyebrow would be raising rather high at this one, but obviously, having experienced the true freedom that comes with being fat n jellus, the ability to eat as much lard as you like etc - I am sure shes being absolutely truthful - after all, whats not to like about being fat, puffy and jellus.
""If you're comfortable in your own skin, you allow others to be comfortable in theirs. Don't compare yourself to someone else. "
ahhhh sorry panty mantis, its just that you're lyfe is so perfect and you have orlando all to ureself, its hard not to draw some comparisons
now, bring on the royal polo match - nothing will make my day more than seeing classy and arsy in the same shot!
(yes yes, I know - no lyfe of my own, fat n jellus etc etc etc)
Monday, July 4, 2011
Flogging a Dead Horse
ok So I think the majority of answers I got were the right way round for my spot the difference competition...
As a post script, definately at the risk of being accused of flogging a dead horse, and to prove that cut- out dresses can still look both revealing and classy: Ms Moss again modelling a rather fetching number, Im not entirely keen on the hair it has to be said but still..
I wont put the "how not to" example up again, if you're anything like me, the less you have to look at the Panty Mantis the better...
Friday, July 1, 2011
Spot the Difference..
Combining my girl crush on Kate Middleton and Fat n Jellus tendencies where the Panty Mantis is concerned is actually working out rather well, you'll be pleased to hear!
Take these two photos for example and these captions below and tell me which you think goes with which??
Caption 1: A sophisticated and fresh look for an evening event
Caption 2: A decidedly unsophisticated look for an evening event (plus I think that shes chewed off half the dress in frustration!)
Image A:
Image B:
Answers on a post card please!
Take these two photos for example and these captions below and tell me which you think goes with which??
Caption 1: A sophisticated and fresh look for an evening event
Caption 2: A decidedly unsophisticated look for an evening event (plus I think that shes chewed off half the dress in frustration!)
Image A:
Image B:
Answers on a post card please!
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Wedding dress
Obviously I didn't mean that the Panty Mantis had finally completed the paperwork to initiate the exhaustive search for her wedding dress. As far as I know she's still in the process of borrowing the family brain to assist her in getting her round the fact that moaning on twitter alone doesn't galvanize the average corporate bureaucracy!
Instead its another unrelated post and how fab is this! Westwood modelled by Moss! Actually its not entirely unrelated, I thought since the PM is having SUCH difficulty locating her dress, she might appreciate a little visual encouragement to track hers down... Wanda, Joders, I think Im right in saying that you are both still extremely keen on getting you're carefully chosen bridesmaids dresses out if the opportunity arises!
Instead its another unrelated post and how fab is this! Westwood modelled by Moss! Actually its not entirely unrelated, I thought since the PM is having SUCH difficulty locating her dress, she might appreciate a little visual encouragement to track hers down... Wanda, Joders, I think Im right in saying that you are both still extremely keen on getting you're carefully chosen bridesmaids dresses out if the opportunity arises!
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Fabulous!
Nothing to do with the Panty Mantis and her lyfe and I'm not really a royalist either, but how fabulous does Kate M look in this...
you see Panty Mantis, THIS is how you master looking sophisticated and cool in the glare of media spotlight... ah yes, of course there is a small difference - I doubt Kate has to call hers up, but still you get the idea?.... GOOD!
Now I can go back to the girl crush Im forming on the lovely Kate
you see Panty Mantis, THIS is how you master looking sophisticated and cool in the glare of media spotlight... ah yes, of course there is a small difference - I doubt Kate has to call hers up, but still you get the idea?.... GOOD!
Now I can go back to the girl crush Im forming on the lovely Kate
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Annnnd Im Back!
There is a good reason for my long absence from this Blog - honestly..... Just give me a chance to explain...
Well, in fact its quite simple - while The Panty mantis briefly joined the community of the fat n jellus, I felt it only fair in the spirit of sisterhood to leave her be for a bit, allow her to enjoy her oversized chair, her enormous fridge and all the other benefits of being one of the chosen few...
Now she has returned to resembling a stick insect (see above) ive ejected her forthwith from the sisterhood (anyone resembling a cross between a stick insect and a xylophone does NOT qualify for the esteemed ranks for the Fat n Jellus) and decided to start a few posts again...
after all, now shes back lyving the lyfe again - things can only get funnier surely....
So, my dear Panty Mantis, please feel free to get back in touch - Ive galvanised my girls (wanda, Joders - you game, Im not sure whether your bridesmaid duties will be required, apparently the PM has still not managed to locate her wedding dress for her anniversary but its always best to be prepared) and im extremely keen to hear how being the mother earth mantis is suiting you!
perhaps we can even be friends? now you have some comprehension of what being Fat n Jellus means, though admittedly even at your biggest, there is no way you could rival the core posse!
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Ask Men
Well i rolled around on the floor with laughter at the this next one. Whatever its other faults you have to hand it to the Panty Mantis' blog - its an absolute master of spinning sh*t!
It reports proudly here that our very own favourite Mantis came number 5 in the "Ask Men" Australia poll.. What I'm most amused by is the fact that they are surprised by the outcome. I cant think of many other Australians out there at the moment (if you can call what the mantis has been doing being "out there") who take their clothes off as much as she does, provide regular updates on how their boobies are looking and spend as much time chatting to random people online close online friends as she does.
More exciting perhaps would have been an announcement that the Panty Mantis wasnt listed in the Ask Men Poll because she'd actually spent the previous year keeping her private parts under wraps... yes i know, Hell will freeze over first! But still, THAT would be worth reporting!
I think its more of a wonder that she didnt come first... though actually looking at number 4 - whose photo consists of a pair of well developed boobies covered in a couple of feathers - it does rather make sense...
Never mind Mantis - perhaps if you work the feathery booby vibe next year - you could come fourth too.
It reports proudly here that our very own favourite Mantis came number 5 in the "Ask Men" Australia poll.. What I'm most amused by is the fact that they are surprised by the outcome. I cant think of many other Australians out there at the moment (if you can call what the mantis has been doing being "out there") who take their clothes off as much as she does, provide regular updates on how their boobies are looking and spend as much time chatting to
More exciting perhaps would have been an announcement that the Panty Mantis wasnt listed in the Ask Men Poll because she'd actually spent the previous year keeping her private parts under wraps... yes i know, Hell will freeze over first! But still, THAT would be worth reporting!
I think its more of a wonder that she didnt come first... though actually looking at number 4 - whose photo consists of a pair of well developed boobies covered in a couple of feathers - it does rather make sense...
Never mind Mantis - perhaps if you work the feathery booby vibe next year - you could come fourth too.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Party Time
I really wasnt going to do an update - my creative streak seems to have a bad case of bordom with our favourite couple - but with set upon set of Orlando out partying minus his pet Mantis all over the place, the temptation was too much...
He's been at a variety of different parties over the last few days, all without the Mantis and all where he looks like he's enjoying himself - here's hoping this is the new way forward....
The Panty Mantis meanwhile has "privately" been sharing the details of her private life with
and if you really want laugh (and this is cruel, even for me) check out the David Jones winter catalogue here but I warn you - this is not for the faint hearted (and I imagine provides the explanation for the lack of post baby shots of the PM....
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
A New Proposal...
I had a bit of time so I thought Id trawl around for something mildly entertaining to make the corner stone of a post....
I had a look at the latest shots of OB (on a bike.... surpringly) talking to a guy in a SUV - but ended up concluding that there are two many posts about OB on a bike in the world already without me adding to them...
I bravely ventured over to Mantis Central to find some inspiration and although there was plenty of material there (lets face it, whenever she opens her mouth she seems to manage to fuel the sarcastic subculture thats grown up around her) but still nothing made me think ah ha! (I even ignored the statement by mummy mantis that her daughter is the most natural creature in the world!)
Just as I was giving up, I checked my email and what did I see?
"HIghe slapperr!,
eye knowe we haventte seene aie to aie butte eye desper..dezper....umme eye neede youre helpe! thinges arre goinge verry wronge! Eye thoughte whenne eye hadde babeye Finne thayte eyede bee the moste lovede (ande moste gawguss supamodelle )inne the lande withe cutte lyttle babey as the besteste acessorrie, butte eye nowe see thayte Orlandoe hasse stoleene mye idear.
The photoes offe mee ahvve beene takenne ovah bye thosee onnes thayt orlandoe hadde donee withe mye mum, everyeonne isse nowe sayinge that he is cutte withe finne ande ignoringe me! Eye cannte take itte - iffe eye Takke alle mye clothese offe (asse I ususalley woulde do ) people saye thayte ittes notte seksy! whatte du theye meane - NOTTE SEKSY!!!
ORlandoe thynkes thisse iss verye funnie annde hese notte even respondinge too the balle clamper anie more....
evenne yew fatte and jellus cowz lyked himme with Finne! Eye donte thynke anyonne cares aboutte me anie more :( thys wassnt howwe eye plannede itte!
Yew muste bee wonderinge howe yew canne helpe? welle, eye seeyew arre planninge to wryte a new booke and eye amme gener.... gener... fuk.... offeringe to wryte somme bittes for yew - obviouslie peoplee wonte lyke yourre bits, butte eyem feelinge lonlie and eye thynke itte woulde be goode to do thisse rightte nowe. (Plusse eye dontee see either finne or ORlandoe unless nappyies needed changinge or eye neede to gette mye boobies outte)
I knoew yew muste be overcomme with joye atte readinge this, so eye'll givee yew somme timme to calme downe beforre wee starte!
Lvoeee Pantty mantiz XXX
So what do you reckon ye Fat n Jellus? - I reckon this one has got to be some sort of goer - just the opportunity alone to hear the PM's suggestions for household management seem worth it to me on their own... and of course I will make sure I keep the final editorial rights!
I had a look at the latest shots of OB (on a bike.... surpringly) talking to a guy in a SUV - but ended up concluding that there are two many posts about OB on a bike in the world already without me adding to them...
I bravely ventured over to Mantis Central to find some inspiration and although there was plenty of material there (lets face it, whenever she opens her mouth she seems to manage to fuel the sarcastic subculture thats grown up around her) but still nothing made me think ah ha! (I even ignored the statement by mummy mantis that her daughter is the most natural creature in the world!)
Just as I was giving up, I checked my email and what did I see?
"HIghe slapperr!,
eye knowe we haventte seene aie to aie butte eye desper..dezper....umme eye neede youre helpe! thinges arre goinge verry wronge! Eye thoughte whenne eye hadde babeye Finne thayte eyede bee the moste lovede (ande moste gawguss supamodelle )inne the lande withe cutte lyttle babey as the besteste acessorrie, butte eye nowe see thayte Orlandoe hasse stoleene mye idear.
The photoes offe mee ahvve beene takenne ovah bye thosee onnes thayt orlandoe hadde donee withe mye mum, everyeonne isse nowe sayinge that he is cutte withe finne ande ignoringe me! Eye cannte take itte - iffe eye Takke alle mye clothese offe (asse I ususalley woulde do ) people saye thayte ittes notte seksy! whatte du theye meane - NOTTE SEKSY!!!
ORlandoe thynkes thisse iss verye funnie annde hese notte even respondinge too the balle clamper anie more....
evenne yew fatte and jellus cowz lyked himme with Finne! Eye donte thynke anyonne cares aboutte me anie more :( thys wassnt howwe eye plannede itte!
Yew muste bee wonderinge howe yew canne helpe? welle, eye seeyew arre planninge to wryte a new booke and eye amme gener.... gener... fuk.... offeringe to wryte somme bittes for yew - obviouslie peoplee wonte lyke yourre bits, butte eyem feelinge lonlie and eye thynke itte woulde be goode to do thisse rightte nowe. (Plusse eye dontee see either finne or ORlandoe unless nappyies needed changinge or eye neede to gette mye boobies outte)
I knoew yew muste be overcomme with joye atte readinge this, so eye'll givee yew somme timme to calme downe beforre wee starte!
Lvoeee Pantty mantiz XXX
So what do you reckon ye Fat n Jellus? - I reckon this one has got to be some sort of goer - just the opportunity alone to hear the PM's suggestions for household management seem worth it to me on their own... and of course I will make sure I keep the final editorial rights!
Friday, January 14, 2011
The Mantis Makes Contact
Finally - the week or so of silence on the Panty Mantis' side (apart from the odd offering to random people online close online friends) she has finally spoken - and TSO has an exclusive interview with the PM about the birth:
S: Thanks very much for agreeing to answer some questions for TSO
PM: Thayts allryghte, nowe eye havve hadde the moste stunninge birthe in the worlde eva, eye thoughte eye shoulde comme and calle a truse withe yew fatte cowze
S: err ok, thanks! So tell us a bit more about the birth, we are all dying to know the details
PM: Welle itte woze amiazinge, i lookedde stunninge throughte, theyre were butteflyies and rainbowse ande Orlandoe sange badde romance to mee to stoppe mee gettinge board.
S; it sounds wonderful, so ORlando was with you for the birth?
PM: Haw haw haw, offe course! Eye gotte mye hole familie inne to holde himme downe juste in case Eye couldnt keepe holde of the ball klamper myeselfe - butte i needente of worriede! he satte there withe hiss heade in his handes throughe moste of itte, cryinge and rockinge.... I thinke he was juste overcomme withe emotionn!
S: ok, sound like he was really pleased to be at your side?????
PM: yesse, aparete from the cryinge and wailinge offe "Why ME!" butte eye thinke alle new dads doo thayte!
S: I understand you gave birth to a 10lb baby without the use of any drugs what so ever? Thats amazing on someone quite so slight, what was that like?
PM: Itte was lyke Mye whyte balle of lighte hadde saide - a seconde cominge... eye didnte even breake into a sweate.
S; There are vicious rumours circulating that you had a c-section, what would you say to people who think that?
PM: YEw are fatte jeluz cowz thate wante ORlandoe alle to yourselves...
S; even the guys??
PM: yesse, the guys are gay fatte jelluz cowz thate wante ORlandoe all to themselves...
S: i can see we arent going to get any further with this question! so how is your new family doing now?
PM: Eyem greate butte Orlandoe is stille actinge oldlie.... eye was hopinge you mighte be able to helpe aktuallie... eye wante to calle the babbie Bruce butte dispite increasinge the balle klampah - he's stille notte agreinge to it... any idease?
S: perhaps if you speak to him non stop for an hour, his ear drums will have been sufficiently tortured by the sound of your voice to agree to anything
PM: Whaytte dide yew saye, whats wronge with mye voice, its stunninge
S: right right, sorry!
PM: Eye see whate is hapenninge here, yew are fatte and jelluz too
S: well yes, that is kind of our strapline at TSO
I had to end the interview at that point - she called in Brother and MOther mantis and i thought discretion was the best part of valour - but I thought i'd share what i did manage to transcribe!
S: Thanks very much for agreeing to answer some questions for TSO
PM: Thayts allryghte, nowe eye havve hadde the moste stunninge birthe in the worlde eva, eye thoughte eye shoulde comme and calle a truse withe yew fatte cowze
S: err ok, thanks! So tell us a bit more about the birth, we are all dying to know the details
PM: Welle itte woze amiazinge, i lookedde stunninge throughte, theyre were butteflyies and rainbowse ande Orlandoe sange badde romance to mee to stoppe mee gettinge board.
S; it sounds wonderful, so ORlando was with you for the birth?
PM: Haw haw haw, offe course! Eye gotte mye hole familie inne to holde himme downe juste in case Eye couldnt keepe holde of the ball klamper myeselfe - butte i needente of worriede! he satte there withe hiss heade in his handes throughe moste of itte, cryinge and rockinge.... I thinke he was juste overcomme withe emotionn!
S: ok, sound like he was really pleased to be at your side?????
PM: yesse, aparete from the cryinge and wailinge offe "Why ME!" butte eye thinke alle new dads doo thayte!
S: I understand you gave birth to a 10lb baby without the use of any drugs what so ever? Thats amazing on someone quite so slight, what was that like?
PM: Itte was lyke Mye whyte balle of lighte hadde saide - a seconde cominge... eye didnte even breake into a sweate.
S; There are vicious rumours circulating that you had a c-section, what would you say to people who think that?
PM: YEw are fatte jeluz cowz thate wante ORlandoe alle to yourselves...
S; even the guys??
PM: yesse, the guys are gay fatte jelluz cowz thate wante ORlandoe all to themselves...
S: i can see we arent going to get any further with this question! so how is your new family doing now?
PM: Eyem greate butte Orlandoe is stille actinge oldlie.... eye was hopinge you mighte be able to helpe aktuallie... eye wante to calle the babbie Bruce butte dispite increasinge the balle klampah - he's stille notte agreinge to it... any idease?
S: perhaps if you speak to him non stop for an hour, his ear drums will have been sufficiently tortured by the sound of your voice to agree to anything
PM: Whaytte dide yew saye, whats wronge with mye voice, its stunninge
S: right right, sorry!
PM: Eye see whate is hapenninge here, yew are fatte and jelluz too
S: well yes, that is kind of our strapline at TSO
I had to end the interview at that point - she called in Brother and MOther mantis and i thought discretion was the best part of valour - but I thought i'd share what i did manage to transcribe!
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Its good to laugh!
And I promise you this will do it for you!
Fresh out of hospital and straight back talking torandom online people close friends about the second coming, our Panty mantis had this to say about giving birth to a 10lb baby...
Just gorgeous, thanks so much hon. I did natural birth too, no drugs or pain killers!!! Love Miranda xxx
Much as I obviously believe every word that comes out of her mouth, I'm having the greatest difficulty getting my head round a Mantis of her build pushing out 10lb's worth of baby with nothing. From what I've seen of the birthing process, its the most painful experience known to man so I need to get some understand of our Mantis' description of this auspicious event..
To me this all hangs on what one classes as natural. One could argue that Gas and Air is natural, I suspect that the Mantis probably counts an epidurals as natural, and of course a C-section could count as completely natural (providing you discount the anaesthetic). Whatever the truth of the matter is (and I doubt we'll ever find out) one things for sure, if she's gone for a "natural" delivery of an extremely large child -
Of course there's one completely natural side effect of delivering a child of that size via natures way..... but I won't even type that here......
Fresh out of hospital and straight back talking to
Just gorgeous, thanks so much hon. I did natural birth too, no drugs or pain killers!!! Love Miranda xxx
Much as I obviously believe every word that comes out of her mouth, I'm having the greatest difficulty getting my head round a Mantis of her build pushing out 10lb's worth of baby with nothing. From what I've seen of the birthing process, its the most painful experience known to man so I need to get some understand of our Mantis' description of this auspicious event..
To me this all hangs on what one classes as natural. One could argue that Gas and Air is natural, I suspect that the Mantis probably counts an epidurals as natural, and of course a C-section could count as completely natural (providing you discount the anaesthetic). Whatever the truth of the matter is (and I doubt we'll ever find out) one things for sure, if she's gone for a "natural" delivery of an extremely large child -
Of course there's one completely natural side effect of delivering a child of that size via natures way..... but I won't even type that here......
Monday, January 10, 2011
An Orlando Break
To help you all through this difficult time (I'm assuming that the tension as we wait for an official announcement is effecting you as much as its effecting me) Orlando's new Boss video has come out to provide us Jellus ones with small consolation while we stuff our faces..
Cute huh!
In other news it appears we have a new celebrity amount Orlando's inlaws - despite news of someone or other getting a haircut beating the news of the new arrival on most celeb gossip sites (odd but true!) it seems Matty is the latest of the Mantis clan to be hounded by evil paparazzi 24/7 as he was "caught" by paparazzi "stalking" him (and i use both terms in it traditional meaning for the Panty Mantis) as he was caught with Brent Wood trying to Channel Orlando...
All I can say is I hope he gives it up soon - sunglasses and a pair of tight jeans do not equal looking like the man that played Legolas....
Cute huh!
In other news it appears we have a new celebrity amount Orlando's inlaws - despite news of someone or other getting a haircut beating the news of the new arrival on most celeb gossip sites (odd but true!) it seems Matty is the latest of the Mantis clan to be hounded by evil paparazzi 24/7 as he was "caught" by paparazzi "stalking" him (and i use both terms in it traditional meaning for the Panty Mantis) as he was caught with Brent Wood trying to Channel Orlando...
All I can say is I hope he gives it up soon - sunglasses and a pair of tight jeans do not equal looking like the man that played Legolas....
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Goodbye 2010 (PM Style...)
I was feeling a bit of the post Christmas Blues so I thought I'd mosey on over to Panty Mantis Central to see if she had anything that would cheer me up...and she did - a special Farewell 2010 post! Lets have a look shall we?
Apart from being full of the normal PM rubbish... it ended up with a serious of... you've guessed it... positive affirmations. I thought it would be a good idea to translate them into Fat'n'Jellus...
May you take from 2010 whatever has served you. (ok PM, we'll take your offerings for 2010 - they've "served" us extremely well in the humour stakes)
May you leave in the past anything that has not served you or will not serve you in the future. (to be fair i'm less sure on this one - Im not a person who turns down a good laugh when it comes along)
May you find peace, acceptance and happiness in “being” you. (Totally down with this one - I'm peaceful, accepted and happy being fat'n'jellus and wanting Orlando all to myself)
May you find grace, joy and contentment and may you learn to love yourself so that you can love others fully. (is this a shoutout?)
May you be slow to anger or resent and free from guilt or shame. (ah No! THIS is the shoutout!!)
May you experience with each breath just how incredible you really are. (yes yes, I'm incredibly fat - got that one!)
May you love unconditionally. (as hard as I've tried in 2010 I doubt i'm going to get to a stage where I'm going to be loving the PM unconditionally in 2011)
May you let go of hatred or animosity towards others and instead offer compassion, understanding and acceptance. (two shoutouts in one offering from the PM... it must be christmas!)
May you experience the fullness of life, create your life daily and be who you came on this earth to be. (a brief reminder she lyving the lyfe, just in case we'd forgotten )
May you open your wings and fly……(if only you would PM... far far away.....)
Apart from being full of the normal PM rubbish... it ended up with a serious of... you've guessed it... positive affirmations. I thought it would be a good idea to translate them into Fat'n'Jellus...
May you take from 2010 whatever has served you. (ok PM, we'll take your offerings for 2010 - they've "served" us extremely well in the humour stakes)
May you leave in the past anything that has not served you or will not serve you in the future. (to be fair i'm less sure on this one - Im not a person who turns down a good laugh when it comes along)
May you find peace, acceptance and happiness in “being” you. (Totally down with this one - I'm peaceful, accepted and happy being fat'n'jellus and wanting Orlando all to myself)
May you find grace, joy and contentment and may you learn to love yourself so that you can love others fully. (is this a shoutout?)
May you be slow to anger or resent and free from guilt or shame. (ah No! THIS is the shoutout!!)
May you experience with each breath just how incredible you really are. (yes yes, I'm incredibly fat - got that one!)
May you love unconditionally. (as hard as I've tried in 2010 I doubt i'm going to get to a stage where I'm going to be loving the PM unconditionally in 2011)
May you let go of hatred or animosity towards others and instead offer compassion, understanding and acceptance. (two shoutouts in one offering from the PM... it must be christmas!)
May you experience the fullness of life, create your life daily and be who you came on this earth to be. (a brief reminder she lyving the lyfe, just in case we'd forgotten )
May you open your wings and fly……(if only you would PM... far far away.....)
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Happy Christmas Fatties
Yes, I know this is a day or two late..... I'm sorry to admit that I fell off the wagon and momentarily gained a life that took me away from super adapted kitchen (with its computer) and out into the wide world!
(I'm rather ashamed actually - even the Panty Mantis, busy as she is "lyving the lyfe" with the little one (in her belly) managed to find a few occasions to communicate with
Panic not though, this blip was short lived, I'm not sequestered safely back through my widened doors and munching on some festive lard in a bid to undo the damage!
Just a short entry today really just to offer some words of encouragement to those fatties who have struggled through Christmas with family and friends that dont understand that while a diet of 4000 calories a day is the result of Christmas excess for the non fat n jellus, this is about half the amount of calories the truly committed fat'n 'jellus person would hope to consume per day right through the year..
don't worry , you may have had a blip in the last couple of days, but just add additional lard to absolutely everything (obviously on top of your all original lard gel allocation) and you'll soon make up the energy shortfall
Just take some inspiration from Father Christmas - after all he's one of the truly original fatties of the world (though whether he's jellus and wants Orlando all to himself, I couldnt say)
Saturday, December 18, 2010
A Truly international Treashureing!
Oh what an auspicious day! I thought the sight of Orlando looking hawt in his Hugo Boss advert would be the pinnacle of this weekend but I hadnt banked on the Panty Mantis..
Not content with the international success of Treashure Ureself and the fact thatby some miracle unexplained to man Vogue decided to add it to their best sellers list (actually that is fairly easily explained - Vogue got the breaking news about Baby Bloom and I imagine their decision to add it to the best sellers list was part of the deal, but thats probably just my F and J mind).
We are, this morning, privy to information that the Panty Mantis has set about translating Treashure UReself into other languages, starting (of course) with Dingoese.
Panty Mantis, firstly may I offer my services for this happy task? I am actually pretty fluent in Dingoese and also fairly competent in French and German. My Russian is very basic but I'm sure if you ask Orlando he should have some Russian contacts that can assist you with that.
OF course, as Treashure Ureself's chief competitor Pleasure Ureself will also shortly be being released in 9 different languages. We too are on the best sellers list of the Lard Information Councils monthly glossy "Lard" (in fact I'm going to be doing a cover shoot - but more on that anon) and I think I would be depriving the world of one of its brightest ornaments if I didnt make it more universally accessible....
Not content with the international success of Treashure Ureself and the fact that
We are, this morning, privy to information that the Panty Mantis has set about translating Treashure UReself into other languages, starting (of course) with Dingoese.
Panty Mantis, firstly may I offer my services for this happy task? I am actually pretty fluent in Dingoese and also fairly competent in French and German. My Russian is very basic but I'm sure if you ask Orlando he should have some Russian contacts that can assist you with that.
OF course, as Treashure Ureself's chief competitor Pleasure Ureself will also shortly be being released in 9 different languages. We too are on the best sellers list of the Lard Information Councils monthly glossy "Lard" (in fact I'm going to be doing a cover shoot - but more on that anon) and I think I would be depriving the world of one of its brightest ornaments if I didnt make it more universally accessible....
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