Hallelujah!

I was going to do this mornings post on Orlando's rumoured new project Effie (an Emma Thompson flick which sounds very ET, and OB's reportedly in it etc etc) and I was struggling with mustering enthusiasm for yet another project that he's rumoured to be filming that never sees the light of day..

But then news came through to me that for one SFD has purchaser of its rights (whatever that means...) but it looks as if it will at least get out onto DVD with a bit of luck! Orlando was also at a screening of it in LA last night.

Also it seems the Good Doctor will be played at Sundance next year - another one I'd be interested in seeing...... I find something rather fascinating about OB playing the bad guy!

Wow, what an incredibly unsnarky post for once - don't worry though, normal service will resume tomorrow!

Treashure Ureself

I don't know, I do an update on Pleasure Ureself and find that the Panty Mantis has to copy me and do herself an update on her Treashure Ureself blog....

This mornings offering involves more positive affirmations (hoorah I hear you all cry)

She took this affirmation:

“I release ill feelings toward others without seeking retribution”.

And gave us the benefit of her "take" on it:

“I am forgiveness and love, and I move forward knowing the past does not impact on me or my future. Every ill feeling I have had is removed and replaced by acceptance and love.”

Its funny ! I can read the words, I know what they should mean but all I can actually hear is

"yew are alle eville fat ande jellus cowz, butte eye have orlandoe alle to myselfe nowe, ande eye havve his balles inne mye klampah so eyeve wone and yew have loste"


But she does have a final bit of advice we can all apply:

Have fun being positive guys

OK so my "Take" on that is that I'm going to have a lot of fun being absolutely positive that I think she is a skanky panty model flogging her shite to an unsuspecting public, and by the way I'm also absolutely positive that Pleasure Ureself makes for a better read than her offering AND has a much dirtier title too...

See I can do affirmations when I try!

Pleasure Ureself: A Practical Guide to being Fat and Jellus

Part 6: A few practical aids

In the build up to my beautiful lard effect covered volume's release date (which I know you are all going to buy so that you and your families can Pleasure yourselves down the generations (hmm thats starting to sound rude....)) I have a few more practical aids for your consideration. In most cases these come into their own once you have put about 75% of your target weight on.

I Mentioned this yesterday but one of the best things you can do early on is to buy a stomach extender (such as our panty mantis was wearing yesterday in her "advert"). These are normally used by pregnant women to stop tummy droop as they get bigger but just think how well this adapts to the average fat n jellus cow. You will be piling on weight nice and fast thanks to my Lard diet and Ensurient Corpulence's All Original Lard Gel and weight put on fast tends to go to your tummy first before spreading out to a nice fat layer more evenly - you dont want a droopy tummy during this process now do you? Fat and Jellus is one thing, Fat and droopy is something COMPLETELY different, trust me!

The other thing I wanted to suggest for your consideration was a stair lift. Now I know that these are more normally used for the infirm (in fact my great auntie had one for a while) but they an also be a perfect addition to the house if you are fat and jellus and want Orlando all to yourself. You burn a lot of calories using stairs of any sort and there is no point in using up valuable fat if you dont have to.

One final thing: I need a model to model some of the Ensurient Corpulence range and associated products. Joders, Wanda! Are either of you game?