Dear Panty Mantis,
Can i offer you my condolences, I know you have Orlando all to yourself but still, it must be hard when news breaks globally about the marriage of someone you had once had on your "lyste offe riche menne thayte eye canne targette".
I imagine there is the pain of an opportunity missed; the knowledge that that opportunity has effortlessly circulated round the globe and the realisation that unlike yours, the husband looks overjoyed in the interview he gave, the wedding will be large and well attended by both families and the wedding dress is highly unlikely to be lost by American Airlines...
Dont worry panty mantis, one off the list doesnt mean there arent others out there for when Orlando finally free's his bollocks from your grasping clutches... If you'd like some help in identifying someone new from the list, please let me know...
and I'm sure you will join me in offering hearty congratulations to Wills and Kate!
Slapparr x
PS I know I'm fat n jellus but that doesnt preclude me from being excited about a royal wedding, in case you were wondering
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